A Village Called Ditch
by SteveTheFuturePredator
Summary: Sir Gwaine has disappeared (again) - but this time no one seems to know where he is...


**This is something I wrote for my best friend for Christmas - her OTP is Raine (herself and Gwaine).**

**You won't find one of the funny bits funny if you don't know this: she (my friend) lives with Gwaine in a ditch. (Don't ask me to explain...)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The knights of Camelot assembled around their round table. They greeted each other with smirks and nudges, silencing and stilling themselves when their King began to address them.

He started summarising the latest goings on, but broke off abruptly. It had been too quiet when they'd entered, he realised, and looking around, he noticed that their most vocal comrade was missing. The seat next to Sir Percival was vacant.

"Where is Sir Gwaine?" he demanded, his mind already conjuring up likely answers.

"Have you checked the tavern, sire?" Elyan asked, a smirk etched on his face.

Arthur glared pointedly at Merlin.

"Nope, he's not there." The speed of Merlin's reply and the blank expression he attempted to force on his face made Arthur suspicious. Also, the tips of his ears turned red, and Arthur knew him well enough to notice that as a sign that he was hiding something.

"Merlin..." he prompted.

"I don't know where he is, sire."

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"I don't! Honestly!"

He raised the other.

"I'm not going to tell you where he is."

"I thought you said you didn't know..."

"Erm..."

"Merlin."

"No."

"_Mer_lin."

"I promised."

"_Mer-lin._"

His face caved. "Fine. He's eloped with his squire."

"His squire?" Arthur questioned, certain he'd misheard him.

Merlin nodded slowly.

Now Arthur was confused: Gwaine had always shown so much interest in the women he met. His new squire was a boy... wasn't he?

Merlin let the awkward silence draw out for a few more moments, enjoying the various expressions contorting Arthur's face, until: "He's - I mean she's - a girl."

"Oh."

"Yup."

More silence.

"I thought he was too pretty to be a boy."

Leon's comment came out of nowhere and made Merlin explode in a fit of giggles. The others soon joined him, and it escalated from there. A few moments later, the Queen entered the room to find them clutching their stomachs and howling with hysterical laughter.

They calmed down immediately when they realised someone - and who - had joined them. Well, everyone except Elyan who, with his eyes closed and his head thrown back, continued to laugh like a madman.

Percival cleared his throat. "Elyan!" he hissed. When Elyan didn't respond, he elbowed him in the ribs. Hard.

"Ow! What-" he was cut off by a stern (if slightly amused) look from his sister. He flashed her a cheeky grin in return.

"Um..." Arthur looked sheepishly at his wife. "We were just..." he trailed off.

"...discussing Sir Gwaine's absence." Merlin finished for him.

"So you know where he is?" Gwen seemed only mildly interested - Gwaine had been missing many times before ('missing' being another way of saying 'in the tavern').

In Arthur's embarrassment, Merlin answered the question directed at his King: "We know he's with his squire. As to where he is... well, we're not entirely sure."

"Ah, Rachael," Gwen smiled to herself. "She'll be pleased with that result."

"Rachael?" Arthur had conquered his chagrin but was once again confused.

"His squire." Gwen was obviously amused by her husband's awkwardness. "She used to be one of my maids but she disguised herself to become closer to Sir Gwaine. She'd developed a... fascination with him. It seems it was mutual."

Arthur's forehead furrowed, seemingly unable to believe what he was hearing. "She told you this?"

"Of course," Gwen's grin widened, "I helped her."

This, Arthur could comprehend, and his features composed themselves. "Do you know where they are? Or if they'll return?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure they'll be back before tomorrow. As to where they are, I'd leave them be, but she mentioned going to a village - where she's from, I think. It's called Ditch."

* * *

**Sorry for the weird sense of humour...**

**Happy New Year! **

**(It's now 201Tobias - yay!)**


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